Beautifully done. There’s a rhythm here that isn’t just sexual—it’s architectural. Each line builds on the last until it stops being a command and becomes something else: an invocation. The voice doesn’t just demand; it creates space for surrender.
I love how it captures that moment where desire stops being about pleasure and turns into language—where what’s spoken is what’s done. The repetition of come here isn’t coercion, it’s gravity.
It’s rare to see rawness written with this kind of precision. It doesn’t just want the body; it wants the response—the shiver that makes the poem itself exhale.
Beautifully done. There’s a rhythm here that isn’t just sexual—it’s architectural. Each line builds on the last until it stops being a command and becomes something else: an invocation. The voice doesn’t just demand; it creates space for surrender.
I love how it captures that moment where desire stops being about pleasure and turns into language—where what’s spoken is what’s done. The repetition of come here isn’t coercion, it’s gravity.
It’s rare to see rawness written with this kind of precision. It doesn’t just want the body; it wants the response—the shiver that makes the poem itself exhale.
Even your comments are beautifully written! Thank you so much, Louis 💗
That’s kind of you to say, Demetria—thank you. Words are all I have to offer, so I try to make them count.
This is gorgeous, and sexy, and incredibly clever. I love how this ends. It's just brilliant.
Thank you Helen! 💗
Beautiful use of repetition
Oufff yes please
So much to love about this, but the supurb structure is what really catches my attention. Beautiful.
Thank you so much! 💗